


The Way You Look at Yourself

by bvckybcrnes



Category: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies)
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Angst, Bottom Original Percival Graves, M/M, Mirror Sex, No Detailed Smut To Be Found Here so Keep Scrolling for Your Porn, Rape/Non-con Elements, cigarette burns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-09
Updated: 2017-02-09
Packaged: 2018-09-23 04:35:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9640991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bvckybcrnes/pseuds/bvckybcrnes
Summary: Grindelwald takes Graves up against a mirror so the auror is forced to watch himself being fucked.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into 中文 available: [The Way You Look at Yourself 人何以堪](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11703657) by [jls20011425](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jls20011425/pseuds/jls20011425)



> Based on the following prompt:  
> Grindelwald takes Graves up against a mirror so the auror is forced to watch himself being fucked.

It's almost funny if it didn't hurt this much. Usually, Percival Graves was the one standing above others who nearly fell to their knees for him when the timing was right. They admired him and he didn't blame him. It almost had something narcissistic about it when Percival accepted their respect. 

But now, it was different. It wasn't someone else who had fallen to their knees for Percival Graves. No, this time it was Percival Graves who had been _forced down_ on his knees for someone else. And all he could do...was take it and watch.

Percival Graves hates Gellert Grindelwald with every fiber in the body they now had to share. That was what disgusted him the most, Percival thought. But then, something worse happened. Graves couldn't even imagine anything worse than someone stealing his face and even pretending to be him - that already felt like a blasphemy! 

His bare knees scraped over the dark wooden floor underneath him. They ached against the wood, just like every other muscle in his body. It was Grindelwald's doing and it made Percival snarl in disgust. 

Only a moment ago, the hands on his bared hips was the worst for Percival to think about. He didn't have to watch it when that happened, but Gellert only had one real purpose with his current act, because he wanted Percival Graves to watch himself being submitted to the Wizarding World's most feared dark wizard of the current days. He wanted this man, his prisoner, to watch his beautiful self being taken by his very own pretty face against his will! Being an Auror, it had been hard for Gellert to break this guy, but if raping him in front of a mirror while carrying his own face won't do the trick...then what else would do?

Grindelwald had moved one of his hands to the top of Percival's head to grab a fistful of hair and jerk his head back up. Graves would watch it happen in the large, somewhat dirty old mirror right in front of them. He would watch until the very last minute which felt like it was still years away from now. 

Percival wished he were deaf and sensory deprived. Perhaps, he wished he could just be dead for a few hours - unconscious and not able to remind anything afterwards. He didn't want to see nor hear or feel how someone with the exact same face, voice and hands was having him against his own will in front of a mirror that didn't do anything else but showing him what was happening right behind him. He could see what he was feeling and it was equally awful.

The sound of his own voice didn't come from his own lips. It was Grindelwald who groaned lowly while he took his prisoner from behind. Percival sat on all fours, fingers digging themselves in the dark wood underneath them. He could feel his nails ache, but that was the least of his worry. For now, Percival just hoped he won't start crying in front of himself and Gellert Grindelwald because he knew that tears were possibly what the dark wizard wanted to see.

"I've heard people say, Percival," Gellert spoke in between thrusts, huffing at every one of them. "That you have some sort of... Megalomania, perhaps?"

Percival couldn't really bring himself to talking yet. He was too busy fighting back what Grindelwald tried to achieve. He didn't want to give in to this guy. He told himself countless times over and over again that he'll never give in to Gellert Grindelwald, even if it ends up being his death. "Must be talking about yourself, Gellert." Percival hissed and gritted his teeth when Grindelwald jerked at his hair. "I didn't say you could open your mouth, Percy," the dark wizard spat at the other. He gave one firm thrust, making Percival mewl desperately. Grindelwald made sure to flick his head back in place so that Graves could see himself moan as his captor took him without his consent. 

"You like it, don't you?" Grindelwald snarled, he leaned closer so he could hiss more venomous words right into Percival's ear. "Oh the great Percival Graves, moaning as he is being fucked in the arse by his very own prick! It's pleasuring you, isn't it, Percy?" Graves could only snarl in return. If Gellert would look up in the mirror, he'd see the other shooting glares at him through their reflections. Percival flinched with a grunt when he felt the hand on his hip move lower. Grindelwald had reached for the cock between his legs. It was embarrassingly hard and Percival wanted to punch himself in the crotch for it. For now, he kept his fingers clawing at the wood. Perhaps, if he took it like as much of a man he currently could be, it would all be over soon... 

"So shamelessly hard for me, Percy," Gellert continued. He stroked Percival's cock roughly, making it throb in his palm. Graves heated up underneath him and he hissed in disgust. He turned his head in an attempt to get out of Gellert's grip on his hair, but the fist was too tight and he only ended up hurting himself. "Would you like to come for me, Percival?"

"N-Never..."

Gellert grinned at his own reflection in the mirror once he pulled away from Percival's ear again. He set his hand back on the man's hip, the other one remaining in his hair. "I have bad news for you, Percival Graves. But I don't listen to you!" With those words, Grindelwald picked up his pace. He went faster, but also harder and Percival had to swallow a cry underneath the man. The dark wizard laughed briefly and jerked the Auror's head back up to face the mirror. "Look at yourself, Percival! Isn't this your wildest dream?! To have sex with yourself!" Gellert laughed as he went on, taking Graves with a wicked grin on his face. He let it seem as if Percival's cries and sounds were like music to his ears as he continued fucking him with a certain, terrifying sense of skill and experience. 

_Just squint your eyes shut, you idiot!_ Percival hissed. He didn't want to watch this, but taking away one sense only made him more aware of his other senses. The touch would increase, the sound would increase. He didn't really want any of that. It already felt terrible enough. It would only get worse, if that even were possible. Grindelwald laughed, and it sounded exactly the same like Percival's laugh. If he had anything left in his stomach, Graves would certainly give throwing up a go. However, he hasn't been fed in days and it had started to weigh on him. He couldn't push Grindelwald off of him or attempt to run. He was weakened by starvation and sleep deprivation. It has been going on for so long, but it was now clear to Percival that Grindelwald knew exactly what he was doing. What have been looking like loose attempts at trying to break the Auror were actually just parts of a bigger picture, a long term plan...

And perhaps... This was even the last step, because what could possibly be worse than being raped in front of a mirror by your very own face and body?


	2. Chapter 2

Sitting up on his bed with his entire body drenched in sweat and a half hard prick brushing against the insides of his pyjama trousers were the real confirmation for Percival Graves that he was a changed man. Nothing was the same again ever since he had made it out of Gellert Grindelwald's hands alive. His job at MACUSA was no longer the one of a Director. They find him too unstable to lead a faction of Aurors all on his own. Hell, they didn't even find him worthy of being an Auror any longer. For now, Percival was stuck with an office job, the possibility of returning to his position as an Auror was however, still there. 

Everyone else who knew him had changed as well. Not in who _they_ are, but in how they looked at Mr. Graves and how they treated him. That, however, was something Percival didn't mind. It helped him recover, they meant no harm and showed none of the pity he was so afraid of of getting. 

If this were a normal day, one where he hadn't been through months of torture before, this dream would perhaps be the cause of something beautiful - an amazing, erotic dream experience. However, it was none of that and Percival hated himself for it. He hated how he had managed to wake up turned on by the abuse done to him by Gellert Grindelwald's hands. And even now, when he sat there, up on the bed and about to burst out in tears, Percival could remember every single detail of his nightmare. He could recall how Grindelwald liked to fuck him over and over again carrying Graves's face. He remembered how it felt and what his voice sounded like. He could recall too many details and every morning again, it hurt more and more. 

It kept going on like this and Percival knew that it won't stop anytime soon. It was just getting worse.

A few days after his return, Percival had gotten rid of nearly every mirror in his house. He didn't want to look at himself any longer if it wasn't needed. He only kept one around in the bathroom if it were to happen he needed a shave or a haircut. Whenever that day came, inner demons would break loose after days of suppression in the back of Graves's mind. He couldn't help it and he's well aware of how pathetic it was for him to break down over something as important as his very own face! One day, he loved his face and his body and nearly everything else about himself. Today... He hates nearly everything about himself, with a burning passion.

With the mirrors gone, a lot of struggles had went with them, but it still wasn't the same and it will never be again. Percival had to learn to live with that. It'd take him another while, but one day he might just get there. Might...

-

Eventually there came a time where things were really about to get better, or so he thought. The nightmares remained, but Percival had learned to cope with them. Just like any other damage done to him, he had learned to accept them. It was the only way forward and part of a healthier coping mechanism than one where he kept on doing himself more harm than good through smoking and drinking. Harming himself has never really been something he bothered doing to himself yet - other than putting out his cigarettes on his skin - perhaps only because he no longer saw his own face so often. Having no mirrors around kept him away from facing visual horrors he was trying to forget about, but when he does happen to face a mirror... 

It happened at work. Percival had slept badly the night before, having seen too many nightmares in one night. However, he couldn't slack if he wanted his job as an Auror back. He wanted it back soon, because the boring office job the President had given him was driving him as crazy as the four dark walls of his cell at Grindelwald's hideout. It didn't occupy him enough and every request from him to be assigned to something more interesting and eventful kept being declined. He wasn't fit for it, yet. 

Percival really wasn't fit for anything better. He knew when he was on a break and decided to head to the nearest restroom. After doing his business, he decided to light up a cigarette as well. It wasn't common for people to smoke inside the large building where MACUSA resided - It was an unspoken rule not to smoke inside the working area. 

Percival lit up his cigarette and leaned against the nearest tiled wall. He let his eyes wander up to no particular spot. He just had something to look at, right? Closing his eyes might just cause the effect he was trying to avoid. He needed a break from his crappy office job. It was slowly suffocating him, just like the torture Grindelwald had put him through. For a moment, Percival considered trying another attempt at requesting a change, even if it were only a change in the place where he had to work. The company of someone else would do him better than being locked away in some lonely office.

The smoke traveled up and he followed it with his gaze. Once it was gone, Percival would glance at the burning end of the cigarette and take another drag in silence. He was alone in the restroom, but not the only one who would come here to smoke. If anyone were to walk in on him, they would just leave it with a simple nod and an understanding look. They couldn't exactly blame him either. Percival Graves no longer had the easiest of lives.

Once finished with his cigarette, Graves put it out on the palm of his hand with a small hiss. He knew it would hurt, but he didn't care. Sometimes, with these little things, he could still tell him that what he was currently feeling was real and not a nightmare. The mark added on to previous scars and open up burnt skin that was trying to heal. He really didn't care though. He could heal it with his wand if he really wanted to, and he did so if he had to meet with people - only when it really mattered to keep his pain for himself, when he needed to look strong and stable. He would cure them tonight, if everything goes well. That way, he could step up to the President's office tomorrow and apply for his old job as an Auror. 

Percival headed for one of the sinks once he had put out the cigarette. His palm was bleeding and he wanted to wash out the ashes from the wound before wrapping the tissue he carried with him around it. If anyone were to ask what happened, he'd simply tell them he's injured his hand while preparing dinner last night. 

With every sink, however, came a mirror. Percival knew this and it was an incredibly difficult job to do when he told himself over and over again not to look up. He couldn't look up and he shouldn't. It was just his face and once, he used to stand there in the restroom for a whole different reason. He would inspect his face and put his hair and tie back in place during his breaks. He would make sure he looked perfectly fine - flawless. Now... He didn't even _dare_ to look himself in the eyes any more. Graves inhaled deeply when he felt his thoughts travel down their downward spiral again. He then sighed and tilted his head tiredly.

His eyes met with their reflection. They were cold and sent a shiver of the same kind down his spine. Percival froze in the moment. The sound of water pouring from the tap into the sink disappeared and remained muted for as long as Graves looked himself in the eyes. Flashes of memories buzzed through his mind and left with a sting. There were many and enough of them to leave Percival with a headache within the blink of his eyes. He quickly looked back down to the water in the sink with a soft gasp. This was bad. He wasn't even entirely sure of what just had happened, but it was bad. - It felt wrong.

Graves splashed some water on his face and dried it off with the sleeve of his shirt to bring his mind back to the conscious world. He turned away from the mirror immediately when he folded his sleeve back in order. He couldn't look back. It was still too soon, too haunting. His eyes fell shut when Percival dropped his head as he leaned against the counter. He crossed an arm over his chest and used his other, free hand to brush its thumb and index finger over his brows before uniting them and pinching the bridge of his nose with a troubled sigh. 

Perhaps, he should take the day off tomorrow instead of doing another attempt at reclaiming his position among the Aurors at MACUSA. Having experienced the horror of his own reflection just now only taught Percival that he was still far from recovered and ready to go back to his previous routines. 

After all, what is an Auror who can't even look himself in the eye?

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. I hope it still satisfied you despite me feeling rather mixed about the result. ♥


End file.
